Andy's Blog

So Allen comes to me this past week and says, "I think I want to do a show on online dating. Did you know there are over 1,300 online dating sites? What are you thoughts about online dating?" Before he even uttered all that, I knew this was going to be a topic where I was thrown under the bus. Sure enough, the topic title: "Is It Time For Andy to Use Online Dating."

If you have the time, listen to the whole show (30 minutes long). We had a good time. We had Les Parrott on there. Les is the founder of eHarmony marriage, and a very good friend of Dr. Neil Warren (the guy in the eHarmony commercials). Plus I got to play P!nk's U + Ur Hand and Avril Lavinge's Girlfriend as rejoins - and we all know I am weird and for some reason like chick rock.

But for those who don't have 30-minutes. Here are two clips.

Allen's Monologue

Andy's Questioning & Response

The best part was when Mike South, a porn producer here in Atlanta and friend of our show, e-mailed this:

I gotta tell ya, I had the pleasure of a lunch with Andy a while back and I think, that if a young lady is looking for a Good Christian man who isn't judgmental, who is smart and modestly decent looking. She couldn't go wrong with Andy...I know lots of girls would date Andy but It might not be a "good fit"

Is he saying I have a small penis? Seriously. I am calling you out Mike South. Although, you did say that I am modestly decent looking, so I'll call it even ;)

Here are my problems with dating in general:

1. The older I get, the more "set" in my ways I become and the less I am willing to compromise.
2. I am a very weird mix because on one hand faith is super important to me, but on the other hand, I do not fit the "stereotypical" Christian boy (hence the lunch with Mike South and countless other examples).
3. I work super hard, find a lot of satisfaction in that, and am a borderline workaholic.

Here are my problems with traditional dating:

1. I don't know who is single and who isn't (and I am a horrible judge of age).
2. I typically can figure out exactly where the relationship would fail within 5 minutes of meeting someone (previous blog post about such ability).
3. I hate church small groups. It's like the bar scene, except instead of awkward drunk conversations, you just have awkward theological conversations and/or are asked to watch VeggieTales.

Here is my problem with online dating:

1. I don't want to have to tell the story for the next 50 years of my life that me and my wife met through a website some old dude created with his Ph.D. buddies.

So what's a boy to do? Seriously. I know I get about 300 visitors per post, so I want to hear from all you. Have you used online dating? Was it a good or bad experience? Would you ever use it or do you think it is an awful cop out?

I should have known it was going to be like this. Friday, May 9: CJ and Andrea were scheduled to fly into Atlanta. The past week I had worked 67 hours to make sure everything was ready. Then on Friday, in the classic state of a "modern man," I cleaned the house, baked a cake, worked 8 hours, marinated chicken, paid bills, went grocery shopping, did laundry, and constructed a table. Why a table you asked? Because as I was moping my kitchen floor, I leaned on my old table and it split in half. So a run to Ikea and back at rush hour, and 30 minutes of drilling, bam a new table. That day was crazy. But little did I know it was just the beginning.

Here are some stats from the past 3 weeks:

• Miles Driven: 1,743
• Miles Flown: 1,543
• Money Spent Since May 9th: $1,954.64
• Money Spent Since May 16th (Asher's Arrival): $1,471.16
• Total Number of Different Beds Slept In: 7
• Total Number of Hospitals Visited: 3
• Total Time Spent in Hopsitals: 37 Hours

So what did I learn from all of this? Three things.

1.) Police in Charleston don't monitor parking meters, but they do make up stop signs for you to run through
It is true. I stopped paying the parking meters in Charleston, but this was only after I noticed that nobody else did either. Ironically, I was pulled over on by a bicycle cop (that's a first) for running a stop sign that wasn't there.

2.) Hospitals are disappointingly not like Scrubs
We all know I am a huge Scrubs fan. The whole time I was looking for a Crazy Janitor, or a Dr. Cox, or the Chief of Medicine. But nothing! There wasn't even a hot Dr. Reid anywhere. Although there were some hot nurses. This brings me to lesson #3.

3.) Married people are the absolute worst wingmen
Ok, so there was this hot girl who worked at the Ronald McDonald House where CJ and Andrea stayed. And so sure enough, Andrea goes to check out, and the girl asks about me. So she proceeds to tell her that I am a radio producer (good), my job is really flexible (good), and I am staying at the Motel 6. What the heck Andrea? Seriously!

No, he's such a good guy he rearranged his schedule to be here for three weeks. No, he's so great with our daughter Jadyn if he were just married we would consider making him the God-parent. No, he dropped $1,400 with out blinking an eye just to help us No, he's travelled the world and been to tons of exotic locations. No, None of that? Just, he's staying at the Motel 6?

Heck, I would have even taken the Motel 6 reference if you would have prefaced it with 1.) he's slept on so many floors in third world countries doing humanitarian and missionary work, the Motel 6 is like the Ritz or 2.) he stays at the Motel 6 now because he is good with money and he doesn't care and it means his wife and children won't have to stay at the Motel 6 when they travel, or 3.) all the hotels were full and/or ridiculously expensive due to the Memorial Day weekend festivities.

Married people everywhere, take a lesson from this Scrubs clip.

Ok, maybe not the drunken weekend part, but you get the idea. That is what we call a good Wingman.

But all and all, it was a great extended trip. We had a great time and was worth every second and penny. Here's a look back, through pictures.

Today started like any other day at Hilton Head. Woke up. Put swim suits on. Went to the beach. Had a baby...

What?

Had a baby?

Ok, that never happened before.

It was about 5pm and we were getting ready to go to a nice dinner for our last night of vacation and Andrea started to have some pain. So she called her doctor in Indiana. Well her doctor told her everything was probably fine, but to swing by the hospital to confirm.

Two hours in the hospital and it is confirmed: she's having the baby tonight. A whole two months early!!!

I take a screaming Jadyn (who wants her mommy) home and put her to bed, we read Little Mermaid. And now I am scrounging around, trying to get everything ready for the show tomorrow night, a show I probably won't be at.

But it's weird, ya know. I always thought the first person I would drive to the hospital to have a baby would be my wife, or at least my own child.

But in a unique way I feel like it is partly my child. Just four days earlier, while standing on the beach, CJ turned to me and said, "you want to be the first to know what the name of the child is? Asher James. Andrea doesn't even know that I have picked it yet." Who knew, four days later, and two months early, he would be here.

Andrea is most likely going to be moved to Charleston, SC tomorrow, and her and Asher are going to have to be there for three weeks. I am trying to convince them to move her to Savannah instead because the access is so much easier for everybody up north (and me in Atlanta). But we'll see.

That's about it from here. I have done a lot of stuff with my 20 years at Hilton Head. But having a baby is definitely a first.

UPDATE
Asher's First Video

Are you sitting down? Of course you are...who uses a computer standing up? Good, you are sitting down! I say this only because I want you prepared for the craziest train of thought in the history of thinking.

I was listening to a news report the other day about how February 29th was the lightest day for gynecologists because nobody wanted to have a baby and have to deal with a kid having a birthday once every four years. Just mentioning gynecologists always draws my mind to an ex-girlfriend's father (he was an gynecologist, don't get any weird ideas). That particular ex-girlfriends got me thinking about law school. Law school got me thinking about my friend Lissa. Lissa got me thinking about 3rd year law school students - or "3L" as they attempt to fool us non-law people - in particular and what it would be like if I had gone to law school. Being back in school, with the slight reminder daylight savings time changes this weekend which means it is spring time got me thinking about what I missed most about being in school. The exciting conclusion to Andy's crazy train of thought is...drum roll please...spring break!

Ohh how I miss spring break. I was in school for 17 years. In those 17 years I never once failed to take a vacation. I never once spent it in Fort Wayne. It was always a time to get out into the world with people I loved and forget about school (even though you always had stuff due right afterwards).

I am going to take a moment and reminisce about some of the great trips. There was Antigua with the family. Hawaii with Hillary. Mexicali with APU. Siesta Key with Laura. Denver with Emily.

The closest I ever came to not taking a spring break was senior year of college. Nothing was planned except to stay on campus at APU and shoot down to the OC for beach days. As it turned out, APU went to the NAIA Championship game and I convinced APU to pay for me to go to get video footage. So my roommate Taylor and I hopped in a car and drove from LA to Kansas City overnight and just barerly made it for tip off (Lucky for Erin, the cheerleaders got to take a plane).

The best spring break by far was when CJ and I went to Hilton Head senior year of high school. We went completely on our own and spent three days there - it was cold. When we exhausted everything to do when it was cold, we went to the library, MapQuest-ed directions to Sannibel Island in Florida (9 hours away) and drove to see Andrea. That trip was not only great because we were 18 and on our own being adventurous and stupid, but it still allows me to take take credit for their marriage.

The irony of course was that in the early years of spring breaks, we usually would vacation to Atlanta. But it isn't about the location. It is about the variety. The adventure. The build-up. The friends. The relationships. What would this world be like if we continued spring break into adulthood? We all would decided in January to go somewhere, and for two months get pumped about the times shared.

For that, I am envious of my 3L friends who get one last chance before hitting the real world. Enjoy your last spring break my friends - vacation will never be the same again.

One of the key sponsors of the conference Allen and I just left was The Kim Komando Show. If you don't know who that is, she does a "technology" talk radio show. It's mildly informative. But her appeal is that she is sexy (sort of...ok not really, but you can tell she thinks she is).

Anyways...so she's hosting this luncheon and sure enough, it is like the sorority house at Arizona State University let out and the babes are just everywhere. It went from a conference of balding, fat, old men in their 50s to American Pie Beta House. She even went as far as putting one girl with very nice breasts (yeah I noticed, leave me alone) in a very nice, but provocative formal dress that had a slit up to the middle of her thigh with her boobs hanging out. As you can imagine, with a conference full of men, it was a huge success (even though her talk was mediocre).

Right as Kim's talk was about to start, Allen mentions to Phil about how there are all these young girls around and maybe Andy will find a date. I, hardly amused, say, "that would never work out", and get back to what I was doing. Allen then says, "I think Andy's gay." So why are you wrapping up your series on Lori Gottlieb's article Marry Him! with this. Simple...

My conclusion after spending nearly two weeks thinking about this is that I think Gottlieb is right and wrong. She is right for woman. You should probably settle. But she is wrong for men. I know. Super sexist huh? But it is true.

I say this for two reasons. It is unfair, but true, that women have more of a deadline facing them in the event that they are looking to have a family. Gottlieb goes into great detail on why this is true.

But my reasoning is not simply biological. It is sociological as well. Woman have an uncanny ability in dealing with disappointment. If marriage isn't what they thought it was, or their husband doesn't turn into John Cusack, they deal with it. I sincerely envy women because of this.

Men on the other hand don't. I am not saying this is good. I am not saying they shouldn't work on it. But the fact is, men are awful at dealing with disappointment in relationships. Hence the reason a majority of divorces are due to men looking for what they feel they missed in getting married. Therefore men should pay particular attention to what they are looking for in a marriage when they are dating and stick to it.

So what does this have to do with ASU sorority girls above? Simple. I am not gay. I am persistent. I am not settling for anything that won't realistically work out in the long run. And while I can never be John Cusack in Say Anything, and the sex probably won't be like Aaron Eckhart and Katie Holmes in Thank You For Smoking, I still have what I am looking for, and not settling for anything less.

So if there are any fun, cute girls, who are cool being in ministry, look forward to having an adventurous sex life, love Jesus, love to travel, and are pretty independent looking to settle, feel free to shoot me an e-mail (extra bonus points if you have blond hair ;) ).

I hate the grocery store. I usually go once a month. The longest time inbetween grocery store trips on record since moving to Georgia is three months. I have to say, and as sexists as this sounds, I look forward to getting married in hopes that I never have to go to the grocery store again. But the grocery store has one positive, and no it isn't the lonely, single girls who think the grocery store is a great place to pick up guys (it isn't). The #1 best thing about the grocery store: I can still push the cart through the store and ride on it like superman. Immature? Absolutely. But this brings me to a profound thought: I am glad I don't have ovaries...

Welcome to part 4 of my series on Marry Him! an article written by Lori Gottlieb in the magazine The Atlantic.

By the time 35th-birthday-brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as “jokes” creep into public conversation: Well, I don’t feel old, but my eggs sure do!

This is the universally unfair deal breaker that truly proves it is harder to be a woman than a man. Like the picture above, a single man in his 30s has relatively little worry about his singleness. He still has plenty of time to start his family Better yet, not only can he start a family, men seem to get more attractive to woman as they age, so he will be able to find a woman to start a family with. Thus, the man is free to go strolling through the grocery store like superman.

But it isn't quite true for his potential equal half. In contrast, a single woman in her 30s knows full well that her time to create the family she always dreamed of is coming to a quicker end than she would like. In addition to that, the older she gets, the less attractive and interesting she is to members of the opposite sex. It's a lose, lose. She isn't free to approach her 30s as an free wheeling time to go romping through grocery stores. She has a clock and a calendar to worry about.

I am not saying it is fair. In fact, I wish it weren't the case. I truly mean that. If I had any say, there would be some equalizing factor that would allow a woman to act like superwoman, or at least bring men down a peg. But the truth is the truth, and that is what we deal with here. No matter how hard it is to accept.

So where does this leave us. Well, in an unprecedented move, I am splitting Lori Gottlieb's score. She gets a point for the "woman" side, but does not get a point for the male side. This leaves her score 2-2 for woman, and 1-3 for men.

Which brings me back to the question at hand: is Lori Gottlieb right? Should we be much more willing to settle for love? You'll have to tune in tomorrow for my conclusion, but I'll give you a hint: the aforementioned score tally should indicate where I am landing and I may never get a date after this.

I once got into a heated argument in a restaurant in Elat, Israel on whether or not chick flicks were as damaging to relationships as porn. My position: yes! In fact, it is worse because chick flicks are more subtle...

Welcome to part 3 of my series on Marry Him! an article written by Lori Gottlieb in the magazine The Atlantic.

In my formative years, romance was John Cusack and Ione Skye in Say Anything.

What fascinates me is she uses the same person as my favorite writer Chuck Klosterman in Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs

If Cusack and I were competing for the same woman, I could easily accept losing. However, I don't really feel like John and I were "competing" for the girl I'm referring to, inasmuch as her relationship to Cusack was confined to watching him as a two-dimensional projection pretending to be characters who don't actually exist.
Page 2, Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs

As a single, 20-something man who has a bit of an ego and no problem asking women out, I completely understand what he is saying. In the marketplace of "dating," I can't compete with Say Anything. I don't compare with Matthew McConaughey in How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. And if they were real people, really "competing" for the same woman, like Chuck, I wouldn't mind losing to them. But they aren't real! And you know full well the real John and Matt would make awful boyfriends and worse husbands.

And before you respond, "ohh I like those movies, but I don't expect that in real life," all I have to say is bull crap! Chuck is correct again when he writes:

[men and women] will both measure our relationship against the prospect of fake love...The main problem with mass media is that it makes it impossible to fall in love with any acumen of normalcy.
Page 3-4, Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs

A couple of months ago or so I had a conversation at Starbucks with one of my "Stolen" girls. She is smart, funny, attractive, successful, ambitious; simply put: she is amazing. But she said something that floored me. She signed up for internet dating. What!? She even made the statement that, modesty aside, she thought her and [a couple of her friends] were real "catches" but they never get pursued. They don't get asked out.

And while, yes, I will beat up on men for becoming wusses (especially within the church), I have to say they have some justification in being wusses given that the perceived expectation is so high. Which brings me back to Gottlieb's comment on settling...

Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year.

I have to give her the point for today (if you are keeping track, settling is up on not-settling 2 to 1). I sometimes think I would be happier abandoning my expectations because I have come to realize these expectations are built on fictionist fantasies. It isn't that I don't want to find true love, it just seems that true love is fundamentally different than what we have seen. And just as I don't expect my wife to be Pamela Anderson, I shouldn't have to be John Cusack.

You are given two options:

Option #1: You get married. Have a great family. Love your kids. Love your wife. For the most part, your life is full and complete. You are content. But here is the catch: there is little or no passion in your life. It's boring.

Option #2: You have an incredibly passionate life. You are successful with your work, you pursue your interests, and you have wonderful friends. Life is rarely dull, but you never get married.

Which do you choose...

Welcome to part 2 of my series on Marry Him! an article written by Lori Gottlieb in the magazine The Atlantic.

Here's the unfortunate thing about the above scenario. Most of us don't get to pick, it just sort of happens. But if you could pick, which would you? I think Gottlieb would pick option #1 and here's why...

Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

This is about the most disappointing thing I think I read in the article. As Allen said to me, "you're never going to get married now are you?"

But I want my cake and eat it to. I want option #1 and #2. And (for now) I won't settle for less. So I continue to search. But will anybody I find out there be any better than anybody else I have previously dated?

...while Rachel and her supposed soul mate, Ross, finally get together (for the umpteenth time) in the finale of Friends, do we feel confident that she’ll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the [boring] orthodontist, 10 years earlier?

Here's the catch. I think we do think she will be happier with Ross because we project our own theoretical happiness on their relationship. But in reality, if this were the real world, she wouldn't be.

So what is the point to dating and searching for "the one?" I find that all of my past relationships have failed because of one of four reasons (which I will explain more later this week). Is there a point in looking for someone who meets all four? Will it make me any happier than someone with three?

I don't know the answer to it. And even though she probably deserves it, I won't give Gottlieb the point on this one. I just can't. I am 25 and I am going to hold onto the idea that marriage is more than a boring nonprofit. I at least hold onto hope that it is a sexy, exciting nonprofit, and I am going to keep looking for someone to give my tax deductible "donations" to.

On our way to Phoenix, Allen threw an issue of The Atlantic at me and told me to read an article titled Marry Him! by Lori Gottlieb. It's long, but it's well worth the read.

Here's the brief synopsis of the "feminist" writer (picture Carrie Bradshaw): she decide she was getting too old to have a baby the "traditional way" because she couldn't settle on a husband, so she was artificially inseminated. The realization that followed was that she wishes she just would have settled and got married to one of the men she dated in her 30s. That's hardly a romantic position. That's hardly a feminist position. And it is a position I am not sure if I am comfortable with. But I do think the article is profound in many ways...

Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).

I am not 40. I know, brilliant. I am not a woman. Even more brilliant. I have no clue if this is true or not. But I believe her. It's kind of like that old adage you never see a tombstone with, "I wish I spent more time at the office" written on it. Humans desire the companionship of marriage (and by extension, a family) more than anything else.

It's like in the Bible where Paul talks about staying single unless you can't control the "passion" inside. Most pastor's will teach the passion is in reference to sexual desire. I think those pastor's fundamentally miss what Paul is talking about. It seems more likely he's talking about companionship. He's talking about knowing someone so intimately that the relationship transcends all other relationships. And when you think about it, that's harder to abstain from than sexual pleasure.

So she continues...

Is it better to be alone, or to settle?

[married woman], like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection...

I found this interesting because of an all female chapel I sat through at APU in 2003. I was the only man in the room of some 1,200 college females (and I still couldn't get a date, but to my credit, I was in an invisible room directing the event). But one of the speakers was doing a Q&A about being single in her 40s and someone asked simply, "aren't you ever lonely?"

Her response was simple and it stuck with me. "Sure I get lonely, but so do my married friends."

I have often reflected on that statement over the years and found solace in the idea that the loneliness that comes with singleness doesn't go away in marriage, it just mutates. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that being single and lonely isn't any different than being married and lonely. At least being single I can travel the world, right?

But Lori's article got me rethinking this whole position. Because 4.5 years later I think she is right. Every single person I know past the age of 23 (except one) would probably admit they desire a full marriage relationship, even when they acknowledge that marriage is hard.

But there are no married people I know who want to leave a marriage because it is lonely (they may want to leave for other reasons, but loneliness is not it). Therefore, there must be something fundamentally different, and secondary, to the loneliness found in marriage when compared to the loneliness found in singleness.

So far, Lori wins 1 point on should I settle or should I not. Lets see what the rest of the week brings, but I promise she won't win them all...

I checked the mail today and got a save the date from Kim in Minneapolis. Kim always draws my mind towards two things: 1.) the fact I wanted to date her my first two years of college, and 2.) the song Champagne High by Sister Hazel - which incidentally is about a guy at a wedding who realized how he missed his chance. So you think you know why this song reminds me of her don't you? You'd be wrong...

You think the song reminds me of her because I somehow think I missed my chance with her? Sorry. Nope. I never asked her on a date because she was in a relationship when I knew her and then she moved. That was pretty much the end of it and I don't feel like I missed anything.

Ok if that isn't it, you think she introduced me to the song? Wrong again. That would be Sara.

But the song does draw my mind to two girls I do feel like I missed my opportunity. I know when I get the save the dates to their weddings I will feel like I am on a "Champagne High."

But the day's irony doesn't end there. I have recently been trying to digitize all the Scrubs episodes for my iPod. Sure enough, the next episode after visiting the mailbox was "My Cold Shower." This is one of my top 5 favorite Scrubs episodes. But it is particularly fitting for the Champagne High moment. Scrubs decided to use Stolen instead of Champagne High in the last scene - probably my favorite scene in all of Scrubs - but I don't blame them, it fits.

That scene is so powerful. That feeling is so raw. Maybe I am the only one. But I understand the emotion in this scene. It's like in Top Gun when Meg Ryan tells Kelly McGillis that there are "hearts broken all over he world tonight...because unless you are a fool that boy is off the market."

Most of you know how devoted I am to work and what I do is pretty much my life. So this next statement should not be taken lightly. If you could tell me, 100% for sure either one of the relationships would work out, I would drop what I do and move there in a second - even if it meant working at McDonald's.

But I have no guarantee either would work out, so I don't do it. Maybe it is because I am not a romantic, and am a realist (*read* cynic). Maybe it's because I am a wuss. Maybe it's because I believe in fate. Maybe it is because I think as soon as I get what I want, I no longer want it. Whatever it is, I stay here in Alpharetta.

But this post isn't about them. It is about singleness. It's about missed opportunity. The realist in me moves on. The realist in me looks for "their qualities" in others. The realist in me knows there will be others, and there will be one that is even better. But then again...here's hoping to Atlanta's job growth and maybe some job will "steal" one of them to Atlanta. Here's hoping. I'll keep a bottle of champagne ready...

If you aren't a psychologist you can go ahead and stop reading this post. Alright, all psychologists now? Here's the question I pose on this proverbial, digital couch: why is it that I truly like Erik, but I can't stand JaSoN...

Ohh, you'd like a little bit of context.

Sure.

See, Erik is the creator of AllenHuntShowSucks.com. We sometimes exchange as much as 15-20 e-mails a week. He tells me when he goes on vacation. I tell him when I am sick. I generally care for him as a human being. He's an atheist. He pretty much hates everything I stand for. Our relationship reminds me of Professor X and Magneto in the movie X-Men. We are bitter sworn enemies, but we have a fondness and respect for one another that seems to transcend the enemy thing.

JaSoN on the other hand is an annoying blog commenter at TruthTalk Live (a Christian radio show, on Christian stations that Allen and I sometimes fill in on). JaSoN and I's relationship is strictly bound to the blog. He tells me I don't believe in Sola Scriptura. I tell him Sola Scripture isn't even in scripture, so we must rely on theological concepts like the Wesleyan Quadrilateral to pick up where scripture leaves us. I really could careless about him. He's a Christian. We probably basically agree on about 95% of the main issues related to our faith. But for the 5% we disagree on, I want to punch him in the face. Our relationship reminds me of Peter La Fleur and White Goodman in the movie Dodgeball. We are bitter, sworn "brothers", and thanks to atonement for sin, we will have to spend eternity with one another.

So Dr. Internet, do you have enough to figure out why I truly like my "enemy" but dislike my "brother"?

I know. I don't have an answer either. I have been puzzling about this for months now.

I guess if I had to pinpoint it, my real distaste for some other Christians probably stems from what I would call the "bastaderization" of the Gospel. We have reduced the Bible to be "the owner's manual of life" and it has all the answers. We come up with inconsistent theology, and we proof text certain scriptures to make our point more convincing.

But the way I see it, there are some questions the Bible doesn't answer (i.e. How do you make a plane fly? How do you start a heart after a heart attack? Why are some people always depressed?). And that is where we turn to science or medicine or psychology.

And whether preachers would like to admit it or not, there are gray issues in the Bible (i.e. Why does it seem perfectly acceptable for Solomon to sleep around, but I can't? Is is wrong to use English swear words? Is masturbation a sin? Is it ok to pass the homeless guy on the street and not help him out?). And that is where we turn to scripture, reason, experience, tradition, and prayer.

In the end, I guess it is that I seem to forget that I need to approach JaSoN with grace and patience and love, because I think it doesn't matter. Sure we disagree, but his opinion of me won't have any effect on his life or eternity. Where as, psychologically speaking, with Erik I seem to think the way I interact with him could have an eternal difference.

I should probably pray about that inconsistency of behavior.

Thanks Doc. This session has been great.

On Friday night we had a "Tiffany turns 27" / "Andy bought a house in November" party. At one point there were about 35 people there. This surprised me because a.) I didn't think 35 people could fit it my tiny townhome, and b.) it took until 10:30 before somebody showed up that I didn't know.

It got me thinking though. It got me thinking about the movie trailer I saw in 2004 for Crash. I loved that movie. It was a movie about LA and racism. It was unique and brilliant. But it is a line from the trailer, which had relatively little to do with race, that had me hooked. The line was, "In LA, nobody touches you...I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just that we can feel something." I lived in LA. I know this to be true. But it isn't just LA - it's everywhere.

In September I downloaded a song called Car Crash by Matt Nathanson out of the iTunes free single of the week section. I don't normally do this because the music usually sucks, but this one sparked my interest for some reason. It's lyrics are thoughtful. The chorus in particular:

I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright

I think it is fitting given the recent Duke University study that says we have fewer friends and confidants than Americans did 20-30 years ago. We are wealthier than we have ever been. We are more in control of our lives than we have ever been. We know more than we have ever known. We are more connected then we have ever been. Yet we are lonely. We miss that touch. Why? Why are we lonely?

I am a huge Scrubs fan. I have 134 of the 145 episodes on my DVR. I am not going to go into why I love the show so much. I am just going to show you one scene (it's worth the 2 minutes):

When I first saw this in January, I sent the link to my friend CJ and told him:

I wish you watched Scrubs so you would get this and not think it is weird/gay/ridiculous, but since [my girlfriend at the time] calls you my gay lover and [your wife] calls our friendship "special," I dedicate this video to you

Let's be honest. I would be JD because I am nerdy, quirky, and can't seem to stabilize a relationship. And CJ would be Turk because he's as cool and smooth as a black guy, and married with a kid.

My & CJ's friendship reminds me of David and Jonathan's in the Bible. I would probably be David because I am the one most likely to do something immoral sexually and then murder someone to cover it up. But the Bible says that at the news of Jonathan's death David said, "Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."

Jonathan died before David had an affair with Bathsheba and then murdered Uriah to cover it up, only to be outed by Nathan. But I have a feeling that if Jonathan was alive, it wouldn't have changed anything. CJ knows I am not perfect. And not just in a generic, "we all sinners" kind of way. He knows I am not perfect. And inversely, I know he isn't perfect. But it doesn't change anything. If anything, it is why I love him more.

David and Jonathan weren't living in a "Crash" world. And as wealthy, and knowledgeable, and connected, and in-control my life gets, it is the guy love and connectedness I find with CJ (and others) that makes this life satisfying and full.

I went out to a bar one night when I was in Fort Wayne at Christmas. Even though I was going to see my friends Lissa and Laura, the evening had quite a surprising twist that I was not expecting. I come to find out a girl I graduated with named Liz, now lives 5 minutes from my house in Georgia. I was first fascinated to find another 20-something who actually lived in the sticks of Alpharetta, and not the trendy, happening Buckhead or Midtown. But I was more fascinated by the reminder of just how small this world is.

It's crazy when you think about it. On June 9, 2001, we both graduated from high school. I went to Los Angeles. She went to West Lafyette, IN. She joined a sorority.¹ I traveled to 18 countries. We both graduated from college in May of 2005. I moved to Atlanta. She moved to Wisconsin. Yet, 6.5 years later, we find ourselves somewhat "back where we started." Only I have a better haircut.

Last night we went and saw Dan in Real Life. The movie wasn't what I expected, and to Liz's credit, she gave me the option to see American Gangster. But there was one scene in the movie that was so brilliant, but subtle, and I almost missed it.

Context: Steve Carrell plays a widowed father of three girls. They go to a family "reunion" in Rhode Island. He leaves his family to "get away" for a morning and goes to a book store. He picks up Juliette Binoche in the bookstore by suggesting a really random series of books. They then proceed to go outside and talk for a couple of hours. But here's the brilliance. Even in this romantic moment, you knew something was wrong. You didn't know why, but you knew something wasn't right. Why? Because they were on separate benches.

It's odd you know? When I go to sit on a bench, even with somebody I am not romantically interested in, and there are two benches - even if they are close to each other - I don't choose to sit on a different bench. The director did a great job because in that subtle choice he communicated both intimacy and distance. Similarity and difference. Wholeness and brokenness.

This scene draws my thoughts to the time I spent in the West Bank and I sat face to face with a Palestinian man named Omar. We shared tea. Talked about our families and friends. We discussed what we wanted to do with our lives and the current political situation in the region. And even though CNN would never portray our lives as similar, I realized at that moment we were two men, living in a small world, wanting to be on the same bench.

I think about the current affairs of this country and world and just think how much better a place this would be if we shared benches. If we didn't have that awkward, subtle divide in every area of life. If there wasn't a rich and poor bench. A white and black bench. An American and "enemy of America" bench. It isn't communism and a homogenized culture I am looking for. It isn't removing the other bench. It is the opposite. It is diversity. It is uniqueness. It is sharing a bench with those different than you. It wouldn't be us and them, it would just be us. That is the "real life" I am longing for.

I logged into Facebook the other day and came across an interesting news feed. Apparently, even though my Aunt & Uncle had a wedding more than 20 years ago, it wasn't official until December 26, 2007; at least according to Facebook. I hope their first year of marriage is a good one. Finally their bastard children (Julia you better be laughing) have been vindicated. I think I found this all the more ironic because of what happened to me four days earlier...

My (ex-)girlfriend and I broke up three days or so before Christmas. This is now the 9th time in life I have gone through the infamous "breakup conversation" - it's never fun. But two things happened in this breakup that never happened in any other: she changed her Facebook status in the middle of the (2.5 hour!) conversation¹. The most fascinating thing happened because of this: before she even left my house, I had 13 text messages, phone calls, e-mails, or Facebook messages.

All this got me thinking about communication and how it is changing. Out of the 13 communiques, the best by far was where person A saw on Facebook I was "no longer in a relationship." He proceeded to text message person B, who was driving with her sister to South Carolina. Person B then proceeded to text message person C. Person C then left me a voicemail. I was unable to pick up the call due to the fact that all this happened within 10 minutes of the Facebook "change," and as it turned out, I still had about an hour left to the conversation.

But this isn't about breakups, this is about communication, and how it is changing. I came across an article on Newsvine about how computers are writing financial news stories. Why? Because they can publish within .3 seconds of companies' initial post to NYSE & NASDAQ!! This is a huge advantage to hedge traders.

This also makes me reflect on a conversation I was having with a radio friend the other day about how churches and pastors miss the point in communication. Whether good or bad, Americans have about a 7-minute attention span before it "wants" a break². This is largely due to the fact that most TV shows are 21 minutes long and have 9 minutes of advertising per half hour. Yet pastors wonder why when they get up to speak for 30 minutes (which is actually short for most pastors) people are bored and uninterested.

Communication fails to be communication if it doesn't communicate. I know profound! But seriously, think about that. It's a simple point, but often missed in the communication fields. Pastors fail to communicate by failing to change styles because their arrogance makes them think of course people want to listen to them talk for 45 minutes, they are brilliant. It doesn't take Steve Jobs to tell us that newspapers and book are dying off because people aren't reading. Radio is slowly dying as well.

None of these communication forms will ever die off completely. They will just continue to become less relevant unless they change. The challenge for the next wave of ministers and communicators is to look for ways to communicate in a way that is Facebook official.

I am in Fort Wayne right now. One of my favorite things about going home is to catch up with friends I talk with occasionally on the phone, but see rarely. Lissa, myself, and another friend named Laura were set to meet at Buffalo Wild Wings. It turned out about half my graduating high school class showed up. But when Lissa walked in, all other conversation in my book ceased and the fun was about to start.

So you might be asking yourself, why is this girl so important? Do you have like a major thing for her? Not exactly. On paper, Lissa and I should be enemies. In our "Fox News" world, we should not be friends. We should have a TV show where we fight to the bitter death over just about any topic, accusing the other person of being anti-American and a horrible person¹. But there are few people I look forward to hanging out with more than Lissa. The night always seems to end too early.

Lissa is agnostic, liberal², cute, and smart. I am a Christian, conservative², ugly, and not-too-bright. But what I love about our relationship is that we have always had great respect for each other, and we have, with out actively trying, always abided by the rules of an article I came across on Cracked last week titled 10 Things Christians and Atheists Can (And Must) Agree On. The basic gist of the article are these 10 points:

1. You Can Do Terrible Things in the Name of Either One
2. Both Sides Really Do Believe What They're Saying
3. In Everyday Life, You're Not That Different
4. There Are Good People on Both Sides
5. Your Point of View is Legitimately Offensive to Them
6. We Tend to Exaggerate About the Other Guy
7. We Tend to Exaggerate About Ourselves, Too
8. Focusing on Negative Examples Makes You Stupid
9. Both Sides Have Brought Good to the Table
10. You'll Never Harass the Other Side Out of Existence

I think all of these points are right on. The only exception being #3, and while I think it is true in reality, it is a sad thing about modern Christianity. I mean, take a couple of different social choices away, the fact I abandoned any desire to go to Law School, and our Sunday morning activities, and Lissa and I live pretty much the same life.

But think about how great this world would be if we approached all people we disagreed with using the above guidelines. Think how politics would look. Think how families would look. Think how relationships would be different. Think how more civilized this world would be. Think how much fun life would be. And both sides are just as guilty of continuing the hatred of the other.

This Christmas I received a present³ from Erik (creator of allenhuntshowsucks.com). I even opened it with my family around the tree with all my other presents (we joked about the fact it might have anthrax). But I sincerely enjoy Erik as a person. We don't agree on religion. But we have respect for one another, and our e-mails back and forth are a lot of fun.

My hope (which they know) is for Lissa and Erik to one day realize the fullness (I didn't say easy) of life found in a relationship with Jesus. But until then, I am thoroughly enjoying the fun times and journey together.