Andy's Blog

Today started like any other day at Hilton Head. Woke up. Put swim suits on. Went to the beach. Had a baby...

What?

Had a baby?

Ok, that never happened before.

It was about 5pm and we were getting ready to go to a nice dinner for our last night of vacation and Andrea started to have some pain. So she called her doctor in Indiana. Well her doctor told her everything was probably fine, but to swing by the hospital to confirm.

Two hours in the hospital and it is confirmed: she's having the baby tonight. A whole two months early!!!

I take a screaming Jadyn (who wants her mommy) home and put her to bed, we read Little Mermaid. And now I am scrounging around, trying to get everything ready for the show tomorrow night, a show I probably won't be at.

But it's weird, ya know. I always thought the first person I would drive to the hospital to have a baby would be my wife, or at least my own child.

But in a unique way I feel like it is partly my child. Just four days earlier, while standing on the beach, CJ turned to me and said, "you want to be the first to know what the name of the child is? Asher James. Andrea doesn't even know that I have picked it yet." Who knew, four days later, and two months early, he would be here.

Andrea is most likely going to be moved to Charleston, SC tomorrow, and her and Asher are going to have to be there for three weeks. I am trying to convince them to move her to Savannah instead because the access is so much easier for everybody up north (and me in Atlanta). But we'll see.

That's about it from here. I have done a lot of stuff with my 20 years at Hilton Head. But having a baby is definitely a first.

UPDATE
Asher's First Video

Right where the 605 and the 210 meet in Los Angeles, I distinctly remember the billboard when driving back from the beach in Orange County. It was a CitiBank billboard and it had the following phrase: "Your college girlfriend called and wanted to remind you that you were once poor and happy." Even at 21, the phrase resonated somewhere deep within me and I have never forgot it.

Fast forward 4 years. If you would have told me about the job I have now and the money I am making and the lifestyle I am living back in 2004, I wouldn't have believed you. It's been a whirlwind couple of years. But am I happier? Was life not better from the cheap seats?

Don't get me wrong, I am sure life is incredibly more stressful when you can't pay the bills. When you worry about foreclosures and debt and providing the basics for your family. It's just an inevitable that life gets complicated as the years go on, but does that by definition mean life gets less happy?

This weekend was a pretty fun one for me. Friday night, Justin and I saw the Braves series opener against the Reds from our seats (the cheap seats). The Braves won, with Hudson pitching a 2-hit, complete game (you never see CGs anymore). On Sunday, my Uncle invited me to the series finale against the Reds at his seats (the good seats) which were 8 rows back from home plate (the photo to the left doesn't do it justice).

But it got me thinking; do better "seats" in life, mean a better life?

What I find unique about most people I know who are "rich," is there is a distinctly different tone they use when referring to the old, "poor" days. There is a fondness there. Talking about beat up cars barely making it home. Eating PB&J for days on end. Not being able to go to movies or pay for cable and just enjoying one another. Are those days lost as we progress?

I am not sure what the answer is. I am only 25, and by American standards, I am not exactly "rich". But maybe that is a good thing. Maybe life is better in the cheap seats and I should enjoy it while I can. Maybe that is what the Bible means when it says:

Ecclesiastes 2:26
To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Justin thinks I have horrible taste in movies. This is mostly true. It isn't that I don't like good movies, it is that I like all movies.¹ I have seen exactly 643 movies in my life.² Out of those, I have disliked only 3.³ By definition this means that I like bad movies, vis-a-vis Justin is correct.

But if I had to list my three favorite movies they would be the following: In Good Company (I relate), The Bourne Trilogy (I am pretty sure I would sleep with Jason Bourne if he asked me to), and Hannibal. And don't even say Silence of the Lambs is better than Hannibal. To casually mention Dane Cook, if you even say Silence of the Lambs is better than Hannibal, I will stab you in the jaw.

Reasons Hannibal is better than Silence of the Lambs:

• Julianne Moore is way more attractive and less annoying than Jodi Foster
• Much of it takes place in Italy
• Plot focuses on Hannibal. Who gives a crap about Buffalo Bill
• Someone (tastefully?) eats their own brain

I could go on, but I won't.

One of the most essential scenes in Hannibal is where Lecter wonders if Agent Starling's parents are both "deep rollers." Take a look.

I don't know why, but as I laid awake past 3 am for the second night in a row mulling over the complexities of the universe, and even though I haven't seen this movie in over three years, this scene came to my mind while in the darkness.

It's probably because, like Starling, I too wonder whether or not my parents were both deep rollers.

This is no fault to them. It really has nothing to do with them. But I think the fundamental question Lecter was asking of Starling, and I am asking of myself, is valid. Is balance possible for us? Or is the passion, intensity, and drive hardwired to erase balance? Because with out balance - with out at least some "shallow" - I imagine one eventually hits the ground and that can't be pretty.

My mind drifts to a show we did a while ago about new research that says our happiness "range" is genetic. We can do little things to effect our happiness, but it is mostly predetermined. I am not sure I buy that, but I think Lecter would.

This got me thinking how fulfillment and balance are related? It seems the people I know that are the fullest are ones who have balance. Balance in love. Balance of power. Balance with family. Balance towards work.

I know many "deep rollers" whose parents were obviously a shallow/deep mix. These are truly great people. These are people to lookup to. They have a drive and passion for life that is respectable, but the balance in family and love and downtime that is missing in a deep/deep mix. Hopefully I can be like these people more as time goes on, or else I fear the next thing in store is a giant splat!

I checked the mail today and got a save the date from Kim in Minneapolis. Kim always draws my mind towards two things: 1.) the fact I wanted to date her my first two years of college, and 2.) the song Champagne High by Sister Hazel - which incidentally is about a guy at a wedding who realized how he missed his chance. So you think you know why this song reminds me of her don't you? You'd be wrong...

You think the song reminds me of her because I somehow think I missed my chance with her? Sorry. Nope. I never asked her on a date because she was in a relationship when I knew her and then she moved. That was pretty much the end of it and I don't feel like I missed anything.

Ok if that isn't it, you think she introduced me to the song? Wrong again. That would be Sara.

But the song does draw my mind to two girls I do feel like I missed my opportunity. I know when I get the save the dates to their weddings I will feel like I am on a "Champagne High."

But the day's irony doesn't end there. I have recently been trying to digitize all the Scrubs episodes for my iPod. Sure enough, the next episode after visiting the mailbox was "My Cold Shower." This is one of my top 5 favorite Scrubs episodes. But it is particularly fitting for the Champagne High moment. Scrubs decided to use Stolen instead of Champagne High in the last scene - probably my favorite scene in all of Scrubs - but I don't blame them, it fits.

That scene is so powerful. That feeling is so raw. Maybe I am the only one. But I understand the emotion in this scene. It's like in Top Gun when Meg Ryan tells Kelly McGillis that there are "hearts broken all over he world tonight...because unless you are a fool that boy is off the market."

Most of you know how devoted I am to work and what I do is pretty much my life. So this next statement should not be taken lightly. If you could tell me, 100% for sure either one of the relationships would work out, I would drop what I do and move there in a second - even if it meant working at McDonald's.

But I have no guarantee either would work out, so I don't do it. Maybe it is because I am not a romantic, and am a realist (*read* cynic). Maybe it's because I am a wuss. Maybe it's because I believe in fate. Maybe it is because I think as soon as I get what I want, I no longer want it. Whatever it is, I stay here in Alpharetta.

But this post isn't about them. It is about singleness. It's about missed opportunity. The realist in me moves on. The realist in me looks for "their qualities" in others. The realist in me knows there will be others, and there will be one that is even better. But then again...here's hoping to Atlanta's job growth and maybe some job will "steal" one of them to Atlanta. Here's hoping. I'll keep a bottle of champagne ready...

On Friday night we had a "Tiffany turns 27" / "Andy bought a house in November" party. At one point there were about 35 people there. This surprised me because a.) I didn't think 35 people could fit it my tiny townhome, and b.) it took until 10:30 before somebody showed up that I didn't know.

It got me thinking though. It got me thinking about the movie trailer I saw in 2004 for Crash. I loved that movie. It was a movie about LA and racism. It was unique and brilliant. But it is a line from the trailer, which had relatively little to do with race, that had me hooked. The line was, "In LA, nobody touches you...I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just that we can feel something." I lived in LA. I know this to be true. But it isn't just LA - it's everywhere.

In September I downloaded a song called Car Crash by Matt Nathanson out of the iTunes free single of the week section. I don't normally do this because the music usually sucks, but this one sparked my interest for some reason. It's lyrics are thoughtful. The chorus in particular:

I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright

I think it is fitting given the recent Duke University study that says we have fewer friends and confidants than Americans did 20-30 years ago. We are wealthier than we have ever been. We are more in control of our lives than we have ever been. We know more than we have ever known. We are more connected then we have ever been. Yet we are lonely. We miss that touch. Why? Why are we lonely?

I am a huge Scrubs fan. I have 134 of the 145 episodes on my DVR. I am not going to go into why I love the show so much. I am just going to show you one scene (it's worth the 2 minutes):

When I first saw this in January, I sent the link to my friend CJ and told him:

I wish you watched Scrubs so you would get this and not think it is weird/gay/ridiculous, but since [my girlfriend at the time] calls you my gay lover and [your wife] calls our friendship "special," I dedicate this video to you

Let's be honest. I would be JD because I am nerdy, quirky, and can't seem to stabilize a relationship. And CJ would be Turk because he's as cool and smooth as a black guy, and married with a kid.

My & CJ's friendship reminds me of David and Jonathan's in the Bible. I would probably be David because I am the one most likely to do something immoral sexually and then murder someone to cover it up. But the Bible says that at the news of Jonathan's death David said, "Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."

Jonathan died before David had an affair with Bathsheba and then murdered Uriah to cover it up, only to be outed by Nathan. But I have a feeling that if Jonathan was alive, it wouldn't have changed anything. CJ knows I am not perfect. And not just in a generic, "we all sinners" kind of way. He knows I am not perfect. And inversely, I know he isn't perfect. But it doesn't change anything. If anything, it is why I love him more.

David and Jonathan weren't living in a "Crash" world. And as wealthy, and knowledgeable, and connected, and in-control my life gets, it is the guy love and connectedness I find with CJ (and others) that makes this life satisfying and full.

I think I am a man! Yeah, I know, pretty weird statement huh? After all, shouldn't I have known I have been a man for 25 years now - or arguably at least 7 years. Sure, but...

One of my biggest concerns about buying a home was that I am like the least handy person in the history of all people. And because I wasn't the one who was lucky enough to marry a wife that was the handy-woman of the house, I have to admit, I was nervous about home ownership because of my lack of "construction" skills.

But that all changed this week and I think I can finally admit: I am a man. Why? Because I installed a new faucet in the downstairs bathroom and I installed finger print locks on my door all by myself¹.

I first saw the Price Pfister Ashfield faucet at my ex-girlfriend's lake house - and from the moment I saw it, I knew I wanted it. It has such style. Such creativity. Such, well, grace. I liked the lake house version better (it was Ventian Bronze), but I knew that wouldn't ever match anything in my bathroom, so I went with Polished Nickel. It looks awesome. It actually makes me want to wash my hands after going to the bathroom.

Also, if you know anything about me, you know that I hate having stuff on my body (No watch. No jewelry. I don't even want to wear a wedding ring it is that bad). Keys fall into this category. I hate carrying keys. So when I heard that Kwikset developed Fingerprint Locks, I knew I had to have them. Plus, I am always giving people keys to my house because I like the fact my home is a hangout for the 20-somethings of Alpharetta, GA (even when I am not there), and this makes it that much easier to do.

But this isn't about biometric security devices that show my OCD or an appreciation for artistic faucets that might imply that I am gay. This is about gender identity, and the little things in life that confirm we are the people we want to be.

I think about the time my dad moved me out to college when I was 19. It was just the two of us, and it was a really good weekend. I remember we didn't have anything to do one night in LA, so he went and found Dodger tickets. Sometime in the middle of the game we went to get hot dogs. He got a beer and asked me if I wanted one.² I politely declined (because I really am not a drinker), but in that moment I remember feeling like a man. I remember feeling like my dad approved of who I was growing up to be. I remember feeling that I could handle life on my own in Los Angeles because of that simple act.

It was such a little thing you know? Just like a faucet install. But the older I get, the more I realize how often we fail to recognize these simple life moments which are so important. Even right now, I am tearing up a bit thinking about it - which probably negates the manliness of the handiwork.

I don't usually use the blog like this - mainly because I don't think people really care about what is going on in my life - but there will be no attempts at deep theological points. There will be no culturally relevant conversation. I am simply blogging to tell you that as Thursday, November 8, 2007 Wells Fargo owns my life for the next 30-years because I successfully closed on my first house.

Take a look at the move-in pictures.

Closing was a snap. I told them I was in a hurry and it took only 10 minutes (I wasn't in that big of a hurry, I thought it was going to take 45 minutes). After closing I actually had to run to the office to do an interview with Ilyce Glink as Allen decided that one hour of this weekend's show was going to be on me buying my first home (p.s. great listen for anybody in there 20s considering doing the same - entertaining, fun, helpful, and Allen makes fun of me a lot so all you who enjoy that will get a kick out of it).

But at 4:21 pm I opened the door for the first time to my own home.

The move went real easy since I hired movers (never again will I move my 900 lb armoire). Everything was pretty much in the house by Thursday night. Movers came Friday to complete the big stuff. And by the time Molly got in from Bham around 7 pm, everything was setup ready to go. Made my first trip to Home Depot on Saturday. All and all it was a pretty good weekend.

I already had a bunch of people over Sunday to unfortunately watch the Colts lose (stupid Vinatieri) and we have many events planned now that my dad graciously bought me a grill.

Be sure to check out the photos and if you missed it, read my post on the buying process of a home.

This week, I all but finalized the next step in my pursuit of the American Dream: I successfully negotiated and came to terms on my first home. We close on November 8th.

According to every stress test I have taken, changing jobs and buying a home are about as stressful events as most people experience in their lifetime (minus getting married and having a death in the family). I decided to do both within 15 days of each other. Put another way, as my friend Jared put it in a recent e-mail, "Wow, new car, new job (sorta), new girl, new house. What's next??" Let's hope nothing is next. Or maybe best put, according to CLiving.org, I have a stress score of 313. I have to admit, I feel it. Usually I thrive under stress. This month has been a bit much.

But I did it. I finally bought my first home. I have only been seriously thinking about it for the last year. There are four huge lessons I learned from this whole process. If you have ever bought a house before, you can feel free to stop reading, but I know a lot of 20-somethings hit up this blog so I offer my two points of advice below.

#1 - Ask questions. I am a pretty proud guy. I don't like asking questions. Whether that is looking for a product at Target or when "lost" and in need of directions - I usually have enough confidence in myself that I will figure it out on my own. You cannot approach buying a home like that. I can't tell you how many times I used the phrase: "I have never done this before, so I apologize if this is a stupid question, but..."

#2 - Do your research. Even after I asked as many questions as I did, and the fact that I talked with a lot of "experts," it still doesn't mean there aren't mistakes. I found a fairly large mistake that my loan officer missed and that ultimately cost me close to $1000 bucks at closing. Now I would much rather find that out now before the shock at closing of trying to find and extra Grand. You cannot do enough research, and in my opinion get freaking good at Microsoft Excel.

#3 - Do what you are comfortable with. If you are like me, once you even hint at buying a place, everyone and their mother will come out of the woodworks and tell you what they think. While a lot of the time this is a GREAT thing, it can get tempting to do something you aren't comfortable with. This is ultimately what happened to me last year about this time. Renting isn't always as stupid of a decision as those who own homes make it out to be - especially if you aren't sure you can stay somewhere for at least three years.

#4 - Everything is negotiable. For some, this is fun. Me personally, I hate this. But it is important. Not just the purchase price, but everything is negotiable. The closing costs the seller picks up, what is left in the home, what is fixed before buying the home. Heck, even what the bank charges you in closing costs. It is all negotiable. Make sure you have options, as that is the best way to "pit" them all against each other.

Well, that's about it. Before I go, I would like to thank

• Mike Durden - a great realtor
• Brian Cueny - a great loan guy
• My father for some great advice
• Marty (Molly's mom) for coming and viewing all the prospects with me
• Mitch of WIN Home Inspection - for educating me so much on my home in only 2 hours
• Joel - for being such a great and flexible roommate.
• Probably most of all Glenn - your generous offer really saved me some money in the long run.

Anybody up for a house warming party?

On Thursday, May 12, 2005 I started my first job out of college at Mount Pisgah United Methodist Church around 8:00 am. On Sunday, September 30, 2007 I left my first job out of college at the same job around 3:45 pm. I left with many lessons learned, many friends, many successes to be proud of, a few failures to be ashamed of, and a huge smile on my face.

When I first moved to Atlanta from Los Angeles, I found myself listening to a Dido CD my brother had left in my car that previous December. Dido will forever bring me back to May of 2005. This morning, as I drove to my last day of my first job, I shuffled the iPod over to Dido to take me back. I found myself listening to Life For Rent.

As I walked out of Mount Pisgah some 9 hours later and hopped in my car, I found myself smiling. But not smiling all real like we do in photos. It was that half smile. That smile you see at the end of movies where the main character is headed off for something fun, something great, something exhilarating, with a sunset, and music is playing in the background. I think if I were in a movie, the song playing in the background would be Life for Rent.

What I love about this song is that it tells of a story where one realizes their life doesn't belong to them. The songwriter realizes that since their life doesn't belong to them, this should have a profound impact on their decisions. And in classic Robert Frost style, realizing that my life is for rent has made all the difference.

My life doesn't belong to me, it belongs to God. Sounds cheesy enough, but it is true. This lifespan, while short, is only a glimpse of eternity. This is profound because it both speaks to the urgency of life and at the same time the meaninglessness of life. I think it is this realization that allows for Solomon to lament in Ecclesiastics about the meaningless of life but at the same time have him write in Song of Solomon about the fullness and passion found in life.

As I enter into a little of the unknown, I take solace in a God who has watched over me for years and has directed my paths better than I could have ever imagined. It is scary, exciting, overwhelming, fun, and most of all full. And that is what I have realized; first at APU, and now as I leave Mount Pisgah. I will take a full life that doesn't belong to me but belongs to my Creator any day over a life I own but comes up empty.

PS - Yes I know I look super cheesy in the photo. I took this photo of myself on my first day of work. I had no friends. I knew no one. I didn't even have a bed. I will always love this photo.

This past Thursday (September 27, 2007) was Molly's 22nd birthday. We went to The Melting Pot in Birmingham, Alabama. I have never paid so much money to cook my own food. But it was a really, really fun time and the company was breathtakingly beautiful - and you can't beat that combination.

Amidst the conversation, she mentioned to me that she had never had a boyfriend on her birthday before. This didn't really come as a shock given that while I had never thought about this fact, I knew it to be true. But then it got me thinking, out of the 9 previous relationships I have been in, I have never been in a relationship on my girlfriend's birthday. I got close once (even had the gift bought and everything), but we broke up a couple of weeks before (and yes I still gave her the gift). I verbalized this to Molly, expressed that it was actually kind of fun to have a girlfriend on her birthday (doing the whole planning thing, buying the present*, etc..etc...) and then we moved on to something else.

But it was driving home from Birmingham that got me thinking about firsts. This last month and upcoming week have been some huge firsts for me in my life. It was the first time I ever went out to eat with a girlfriend's family, without the girlfriend being with us. It was the first time I left a "real-world" job - one that I had since graduation (I'll blog about it later). It is probably going to the be first time I ever make an offer on a house (sidenote: everybody pray that goes well).

I think it is firsts in life that make life scary & fulfilling all at the same time. Many times I find myself faced with the temptation to avoid firsts. Some firsts are challenging and stressful (*cough* buying a first home). Others are exhilarating and fresh. But all force us to grow. All force us to wake up in the morning and realize that life will not stay the same - no matter how much we enjoy its security. We can either take these firsts head on and make them our own, or we can let these firsts happen to us out of fear and nervousness. Either way the firsts come, the question is what do we do with them?

*For those of you out there that stopped reading after my comment about the gift, here ya go. I got her this rug from Vera Bradley. Now, most people react (including some of her friends) with a look of disgust that I bought her a rug for her birthday. Now hold on. We were driving back from the lake in the middle of August and she was thumbing through an InStyle Magazine and she commented on how she liked the rug. Then, when I was in Fort Wayne (home of Vera Bradley), I swung by the Vera Bradley store and picked it out. Worried that I had the wrong one, I actually drove to Wal-Mart in Huntington to purchase the InStyle Magazine (yeah that didn't make me look gay or anything). Then, realizing I couldn't find the rug (I had the wrong issue), I made a second trip to the Vera Bradley store and went with something that I knew wasn't the one she pointed out, but that matched her room. Thus, the story of her present is complete.

This past month I turned 25. I decided to spend it like I did most of my weekends this summer: down at the beach on Hilton Head Island. It was real low key - and if you know anything about me - that's the way I like my birthdays (isn't that right Patrick ;) ).

I originally sat down to write this while at the condo in Hilton Head, but I got distracted by a beautiful woman who still has 3 years to turn 25, hit save, and haven't touched it since. But I am glad I didn't because it wasn't until this past weekend that I knew what my point was with it, and here it is: I was never suppose to get this old.

This past weekend, Molly's parents and I dropped Molly off at Samford University for her to start her 4th and final year of college (I'll blog about that experience later). The ride home was really quite enjoyable as Molly's parents and I had some great conversation. As we were entering the greater Atlanta area, Molly's mom started talking about how weird it was to drop Molly off this weekend, and her younger sister a couple weekends earlier (actually the weekend I turned 25), and next year they are going to be dropping off their youngest. As we passed over 285 she made the comment, "I was never suppose to get this old." And after reflecting on this further this past week, I have to say that I think she is right.

I am not going to bore you with another discussion on why time proves there is a heaven. If you missed that, you can check it out here. But what I do think after putting some thought into this is how often life tells us exactly what we need to know, yet we ignore it. It is moments like these that God uses to remind us that something is seriously wrong with what we call life. Yet do we notice?

What happened to high school? Remember longing to get your driver's license? Or showing up for the football game to meet friends? Or getting ready for Prom? And then we moved on to college and how many of us woke up the day after graduation, looked in the mirror and just said in that subdued, quasi-depressed tone, "wow, it's over." And if you are reading this and are older than say 25, I am sure you are thinking, this kid doesn't even know the half of it; and you'd be right. I can't even imagine what it is like watching my kid grow up and go to college and start a life on their own and have their own kids just to start the process all over again.

Whether turning 25 or dropping your youngest kid off at college, it is only natural to feel as if something isn't right with the equation. We were suppose to live for eternity. We were created to live outside the bounds of time. But what do we do with that feeling? Do we just get depressed and long to have the moments back? Do we take the opposite approach and start freaking out and attempt to grab every single moment we can while driving everyone else around us nuts? Or do we simply cherish the moments we are currently having because we know they too will be short, but take solace in the idea that one day it will all be corrected? I am not sure how I am going to react, but I do hope these moments always draw me closer to - not further from - my God and my loved ones.

Most of you know I am out in Los Angeles, and on Saturday I was in a good friend of mine's wedding. The wedding was one of the most beautiful I have ever seen and I will try to post photos later. But this trip seems to tell me one thing (besides that being around multiple newly wed couples makes me as horny as all-get out, but that is another post for another day ;) ): I am quite successful for being 24 years old, but I am lonely.

It was really weird at first. I ran into people I hadn't seen in two years, who I barely even knew in college, and before I could even get done saying, "hey it is great to see you," they would chime in with something along the lines of: "man I have heard you are doing some amazing stuff in Atlanta." The first couple of times this happened, it caught me really off guard (*thinking* I barely remember your name, how the heck do you know the details of my life). After about five or six times of this happening, I got used to it and accepted the fact that somebody out here seems to be talking about what I am doing.

But, just like Newton's third law, the joy I find in being successful at what I do, has the equal and opposite reaction of realizing that I feel alone. Now this isn't a smack in the face by any means. Heck, I admitted this when I was profiled in a magazine article for Azusa Pacific University (see the final question. Side note though, that article misquotes me multiple times). But it still created quite the dichotomy of emotion that I find myself wrestling with a lot on this trip and in life.

I find most of my 20-something friends fit (what I am now calling) Newton's Third Law of Life. Most of the ones who are successful beyond the average (to the point of borderline envy), struggle with their success because their drive to be successful is exactly what keeps them from happy relationships. And those that are in extremely happy and fulfilling relationships (again to the point of borderline envy), struggle with questions related to careers and purpose (this isn't to say they don't like their job per se, or they are not good at what they do, but it just means they fit more in the "average" job category at best, and at worst: really struggle with the issue of purpose/direction/drive/etc in their life).

The only 20-something I know that breaks this modified version of Newton's Third Law is my best friend in the world CJ. CJ is probably the only 20-something that I will admit is more successful than I am (notice I said "admit," that doesn't mean that there aren't others, it just means I am a conceited ;) ), but he also has an amazing marriage, with the most amazing woman I know for (*I think*) 5 years now, and they have a beautiful 21-month old daughter that is the light of my life (so I can't even imagine how much love and joy CJ gets from her).

But CJ is an anomaly and I think shows why the 30s are easier than the 20s. I know many more people that break Newton's Third Law of Life in their 30s. The happily married couple in their 20s, find their purpose and career and balance their life. Most that are in great jobs and positions in their 20s, find that special someone, and by their 30s "settle down" a bit. But this realization still doesn't make going through your 20s any easier.

As I have gotten older, I think more than the white house and the picket fence, this is what I believe the American Dream to be. It is getting to a place that says I am so well balanced in work and in love that I feel secure, purpose-filled, cherished, desired, taken care of, responsible for others and complete that there can't be an equal and opposite reaction because my place is just perfectly balanced in the middle. That, my friends, is what I am longing and praying for.

Most of you know that I recently bought a new car. While the first post on this focused on my sadness of leaving the old car, this post is hopefully going to be more helpful for those of you out there, like me, who have never bought your own car. I am calling this, lessons learned. This post is long, but I hope it helps.

If you are like me, the idea of haggling for the cost of something is not your cup of tea. When I lived in Jerusalem, you were always suppose to haggle for prices when you went to the market. I just paid full price. You would think someone who likes to argue as much as I do would love this, but I don't. Needless to say, I was not looking forward to this process.

The first two things I suggest anybody do when they are buying a new car are pretty simple 1.) do tons of research (more later on this point), and 2.) I don't care if you like the car and the price, no matter what leave the dealer the first time you talk to them. Do not take the car for the evening if they offer (which mine did). Make sure you make it clear that you will be buying a car soon (within the week) but leave the dealership. You want to send the message to them that you have absolutely no reason to come back. Trust me, this one step right here could save you $1,000s of dollars.

Now back to step one: do your research. Most people say this, but they confuse which research you should do. Most people say you should consult Consumer Reports to figure out which car you want. I don't care much about that. Most people know which car they want before they even start looking. The research I am talking about is price. And this is what I mean.

Two prices are usually thrown at you: MSRP and Invoice. MSRP is a joke. Unless your car is so unbelievably hot right now (like the PT Cruiser was when first released, or the current CRV is), you will never pay this price. Invoice is more tricky however. Car dealers will lead you to believe this is what the car costs them, it isn't true.

The best website I found regarding this was Fightingchance.com. They give you tons of free information and tips, and if you are willing to pay $35, they will send you the actual invoice cost of your car (exactly what the dealer pays). This is a huge help. Also, go to CarBuyingTips.com and download the Buyer's Offer Spreadsheet. This document is phenomenal and will walk you through what you need to do to submit and offer (they also have some examples).

Also, don't take Kelly Blue Book or Edmunds advice: it isn't worth anything and is frankly a better friend to the auto dealers than it is to the consumer. When concering your trade in value, do what the insurance companies know to do which is to consult NADA. This will give you a much more accurate representation of what your Used Car is worth - especially if it is in good condition (which mine wasn't).

Now when all done, you can do one of two things: 1.) FaxAttack offer a bunch of dealers (explained at Fightingchance.com) or 2.) if you are lazy like me, submit an offer to one dealership. You will get the better deal if you do FaxAttack, but frankly, I wanted a new car now and I thought I had a pretty good deal lined up. Click this link to view my PDF offer sheet.

Now I think I did pretty well my first time doing this, but I did get suckered in one area and it wasn't until I got home that I realized it. So I am going to explain this trick so you don't get suckered like I did. We agreed on the price of the car ($17,100) and we agreed on the trade-in value ($3,000). Taxes and fees are mandatory, which came to about $2,200. This amounted to about $16,200 waking out the door. Pretty good considering their first offer was $21,500 walking out the door - I talked them down $5,300! But then they got me. We switched the conversation over from price to car payment - and this is where I was stupid. I just assumed their numbers were correct. He told me the car payment would be $499 a month for 36 months and I believed him. What I didn't notice is that he slipped an extra $1000 bucks in there. The car, which I thought was $17,100, in the end was $18,100. Man I felt like an idiot. But lesson learned, never, never, never let your guard down. My mistake was assuming the negotiations were done and I could put my guard down. No siree.

When I e-mailed the sales person about this discrepancy (and supplied him the numbers in question), he told me he'd look into it, and then got back to me and told me the bottom line is my car payment is $499. I am assuming he wasn't disputing the fact he slipped and extra $1000 bucks in there. But he as right, the bottom line is my car payment is $499 and the other bottom line is that I am quite angry at this particular car dealership and salesmen.

One last thing. Your sales person will try and convince you to give him all "5s" on the phone survey that will certainly be coming your way. I am not saying don't do this, but it is important to be 100% honest. I gave some 5s on my survey (even though I am not a big fan of the dealership after this), but I also gave some 2s and some 3s as well. Be honest. It is more than just a survey. They use this to determine dealer compensation levels and other things. If you are unhappy, send the message that you like the car, but you hate the dealership - that's what I did.

All in all, I still feel ok. I walked out the door paying $4,300 less than they wanted me to originally, I learned a lesson, I got a new car, and I am happy. I won't go back to ***** ******* in *******, GA (email me if you want to know which car dealer I am not happy with) ever again (for service or sales), but I will always return to Honda.

I will write more about the whole experience later, but I wanted to post that I bought a new car this week. I turned in the Ol'Girl with 191,699 miles on her, and traded her in for a younger, sexier New'Girl with 12 miles.

I have to admit, I was a little sad. In fact, I commented to Tiffany in the showroom and told her that I think I was more sad to see this car go then I was when my mom told me she sold my childhood home. And then I began to think about all the things that happened in that car:

• Taking my driver's test and getting my license
• My First "Real" High School Date - with Emily
• My First Speeding Ticket (who knew that would grow to 8 speeding tickets, in 5 states, and 2 countries)
• Coming Home from High School Graduation and having Scotty moon the band bus in front of us, not knowing his sister was probably on that bus
• Jumping the railroad tracks by CJ's house at 45 mph and getting "wicked air."
• Moving Out to College
• Driving down to the O.C. in college and hanging out on the beach
• Visiting Over 40 states in it
• Tons and tons of road trips with friends that were such a blast
• Going from Fort Wayne to Seattle for New Years 2002 and then down to Los Angeles
• All the trips to the airports to travel to 19 countries
• Driving into Mexico with CJ, Andrea & Kelly, and then as soon as I crossed the border, realizing I have no clue how to get back to the States and everything was in Spanish (which I don't know)
• The Infamous LA-NYC-LA New Years 2005 trip that was by far the worst road trip I ever took
• Driving cross country to my first real job to start my "career"
• Pulling up at Cobb County Airport for my first pilots license
• Countless other experiences

Ohh well, now you can see why I was a little sad to see her go and realize I will never drive her again. I will miss driving will the windows down, with the wind blowing through my hair, listening to the radio super loud and driving way faster then I should. But it's not so much the car I guess, but rather all the amazing things that have happened in just 9 short years.

Here's to new memories in the new car though - which hopefully will include a date that will involve a proposal, driving to the church to get married, and bringing home my first child (I also wouldn't mind making my first million while owning it as well ;) ).

You can check out the photos: http://www.2timothy42.org/Photos/v/NewCar_2007HondaCivic/

This week was a great week. Why? Because I paid off my $11,000 student loan. After 15 months, I had accumulated $517.45 in interest, and averaged $767.83 a month in payments. For the first time in 4 years, I have no debt to my name, and it feels great.

But I am a nerd and I didn't stop there. Now that I know exactly how much I paid in interest, I, of course, consulted my Quicken to figure out just how much college cost me.

Now there are some out there that could careless, and that's cool. Just stop reading. It's alright. But I find this fascinating and I think in the end it will have a point ;)

For the four years between 6/1/01 and 5/5/05 (plus interest afterwards related to student loan) my expenses were as followed:

• Direct Education: $91,411.09 (tuition, books, fees, educational travel & student loan interest)
• Room or Rent: $16,198.04 (both on and off-campus housing)
• Food: $13,244.59 (board, groceries, and dining out)
• Utilities: $3,984.94 (gas, water, electricity, cell phone)
• Tithe & Non-Profit Giving: $5,030.75
• Other Expenses: $18,802.33 (taxes, travel, auto fuel, etc...)
• Total Expenses: $148,671.84

Holy cow! Direct expenses only relating to my education was $91,411.09, and once you include living expenses like eating and having an apartment/dorm the sum was $148,671.84. Now, lets see how the bills were paid:

• Dividend Income: $70.56
• Savings Interest: $173.08
• Gifts from Others: $2,365.61 (mainly high school graduation & "Charlie's travel gifts")
• Investment Income: $4,4710.44 (GE Stock)
• Mom: $5,341.54 ($5,016.54 was for Summer of '01 and Freshman year)
• Grandma Borgmann Gift: $10,000
• Scholarships: $20,275.00
• Dad: $26,500.25
• Salary Earned from Working During College: $27,698.84
• Grandma Neslund Gift: $40,000
• Total Income: 137,135.32

The income/expense difference was $11,536.42, and after you subtract out $11,000 in student loan and the $517.45 in interest related to the loan, that left a "real college debt" of $18.97.

Now, I could take this is so many different ways, and I am going to try to hit them all.

First of all, it all was worth it. APU prepared me for the real world and my profession better than any university I can imagine. Even at the stark cost of almost $150k (that's a freakin' house in Indiana), it was still worth it.

Second of all, I spent a good chunk of college complaining about how little my dad paid. Now I always say this with a disclaimer that I recognize that I am incredibly blessed in life - I cannot overstate that. But my dad was kind of "mathematical" in his approach to paying for my college. He took Indiana University's tuition (which was $12,000) in 2001. He then took 2/3 of that ($8,0000), as he figured each parent is responsible for 1/3 and so is the student. Then he divided his income in 2001 by his income and my mom's income (which came to 78.1%). He then applied this number to the $8,000 and WAM, dad's contribution was $6250.00 a year (although admittedly senior year he paid an extra $1,500 for an average contribution of $6,625). What always irked me about dad is he had this sort of "you got to earn this for yourself" attitude, but he had all of his private college and law school paid for by his parents.

BUT, all that to say, I am grateful that he contributed what he did, because I know a lot of people out there who would have loved to have had half of what he contributed, and for that I am blessed. Which is lesson number two: I am very grateful for all of those who sacrificed for my education and I do not tread lightly on the idea that while I paid more than $40,000 of my own education, there was still $110,000 that came from elsewhere.

My third point is this: debt! Debt sucks. I hate debt probably more than most (hence the reason I have no savings right now besides a 401(k) but I have no debt). But still, the average student leaving college has $19,000 in debt (and if you are in private school like me and my alumni, it is far worse).

Debt when used correctly is a good thing (school, house, etc...). But even when it is a good thing, it is still a bad thing. As talk radio host (and friend of our show) Dave Ramsey says:

Debt is not a tool; it is a method to make banks wealthy, not you. Debt is dumb. Most normal people are just plain broke because they are in debt up to their eyeballs with no hope of help. If you're in debt then you're a slave, in the sense that you do not have the freedom to use your money to help change your family tree. According to a recent USA Today article about debt, 78 percent of baby boomers have mortgage debt, 59 percent have credit card debt, 56 percent have car payments.

The point is, get out of debt as fast as you can. Don't buy into the lie of "good debt."

It was a great four years of college. It was worth the extra 15 months of paying for it, but I am very releaved to be out form under it. I am glad I can now look onto the horizon as I look towards taking my next $140k venture of buying a place ;) (although I am still not sure if that makes sense).