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Guy Love? Crash Into Me? Lonliness in America
On Friday night we had a "Tiffany turns 27" / "Andy bought a house in November" party. At one point there were about 35 people there. This surprised me because a.) I didn't think 35 people could fit it my tiny townhome, and b.) it took until 10:30 before somebody showed up that I didn't know.

It got me thinking though. It got me thinking about the movie trailer I saw in 2004 for Crash. I loved that movie. It was a movie about LA and racism. It was unique and brilliant. But it is a line from the trailer, which had relatively little to do with race, that had me hooked. The line was, "In LA, nobody touches you...I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just that we can feel something." I lived in LA. I know this to be true. But it isn't just LA - it's everywhere.

In September I downloaded a song called Car Crash by Matt Nathanson out of the iTunes free single of the week section. I don't normally do this because the music usually sucks, but this one sparked my interest for some reason. It's lyrics are thoughtful. The chorus in particular:
I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright


I think it is fitting given the recent Duke University study that says we have fewer friends and confidants than Americans did 20-30 years ago. We are wealthier than we have ever been. We are more in control of our lives than we have ever been. We know more than we have ever known. We are more connected then we have ever been. Yet we are lonely. We miss that touch. Why? Why are we lonely?

I am a huge Scrubs fan. I have 134 of the 145 episodes on my DVR. I am not going to go into why I love the show so much. I am just going to show you one scene (it's worth the 2 minutes):



When I first saw this in January, I sent the link to my friend CJ and told him:
I wish you watched Scrubs so you would get this and not think it is weird/gay/ridiculous, but since [my girlfriend at the time] calls you my gay lover and [your wife] calls our friendship "special," I dedicate this video to you


Let's be honest. I would be JD because I am nerdy, quirky, and can't seem to stabilize a relationship. And CJ would be Turk because he's as cool and smooth as a black guy, and married with a kid.

My & CJ's friendship reminds me of David and Jonathan's in the Bible. I would probably be David because I am the one most likely to do something immoral sexually and then murder someone to cover it up. But the Bible says that at the news of Jonathan's death David said, "Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."

Jonathan died before David had an affair with Bathsheba and then murdered Uriah to cover it up, only to be outed by Nathan. But I have a feeling that if Jonathan was alive, it wouldn't have changed anything. CJ knows I am not perfect. And not just in a generic, "we all sinners" kind of way. He knows I am not perfect. And inversely, I know he isn't perfect. But it doesn't change anything. If anything, it is why I love him more.

David and Jonathan weren't living in a "Crash" world. And as wealthy, and knowledgeable, and connected, and in-control my life gets, it is the guy love and connectedness I find with CJ (and others) that makes this life satisfying and full.
Comments
Justin
Sunday, January 27, 2008 07:12:08 PM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com You are probably going to be surprised by this (well, probably not), but I really didn't like Crash that much. I wanted so bad for it to work, but I couldn't help but just want to laugh throughout the whole thing. Or maybe the film was supposed to be a satire, which it would have worked really well as, but I just felt like it came off as cynical in the beginning and contrived at the end.
But maybe this is because I haven't grown up in an extremely racist L.A. (is it really that bad?)...


sarah elwer
Monday, January 28, 2008 09:57:37 AM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com Andy - the love you and CJ share is rare but healthy, you are blessed to have found it - it's sad that more people don't have it and may never be able experience it. And I know you know this - but to Mr. "Hotlanta" - yes, LA like that!

I loved the movie too! I actually called it "beautiful" as the credits were rolling - however, to your credit, I watched it with my Australian friend and he hated it too! LA is lonely and sad and often full of hate, but it is also wonderful and passionate and moving. If you want to like the movie - move out here and have a look for yourself! :)


Andy Borgmann
Monday, January 28, 2008 11:31:25 AM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com
But maybe this is because I haven't grown up in an extremely racist L.A. (is it really that bad?)...
I used to say LA is the most racist place I have ever lived. Except that isn't true. Jerusalem is the most racist place I have ever lived.

But LA is quite a racist place. But not because they are "segregated" or something more "traditionally racist." But because race is SUCH an issue. Instead of making progress in this world at becoming one nation, LA seems to be a constant reminder that we aren't one nation and if it has it's way, we will never be one nation.

LA is the only place I have ever been that I literally felt like s*@# just for being white. And what is worse, it is a place that makes black feel like s*@# for being black, and Hispancis s*@# for being Hispanic and Asians s*@# for being Asians. It is a complete Sepearate Benches mentality.

I would take living in the South, with the random, red neck racism you run into from time to time, vs. living in the constant state of racism of Los Angeles any day.

But to also further elaborate, LA is a cold place. LA is like that smart, popular cheerleader in high school that on the surface everything is beautiful and nice and warm and educated and together, but below the surface she is just bitter and cold and judgmental and arrogant.
Andy - the love you and CJ share is rare but healthy, you are blessed to have found it
I am glad I have Dr. Sarah's approval ;)


Pat Rowland
Monday, January 28, 2008 01:54:46 PM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com Being the person that has seen the 2 of you together since the begining I would classify your relationship as pretty much homosexual with CJ being the sexual aggressor!

Anyway, interesting comments by the Duke study. The idea that we are more connected and less deep is interesting. In the church I think we are seeing a deeper need for real authentic community because it is found very few places. Technology, like facebook, keeps connected to more people but it isn't very deep. I need to read some about the study, however, I would be interested to see how they define confidants and comparing the depth of those relationships across time. I personally have fewer true friends, but my relationships have more depth to them now then they did even 10 years ago.


Andy Borgmann
Monday, January 28, 2008 01:59:11 PM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com
Being the person that has seen the 2 of you together since the begining [sic] I would classify your relationship as pretty much homosexual with CJ being the sexual aggressor!
If you don't put a smiley face or a "j/k" after that, people aren't going to know you are kidding and they will believe you.


CJ
Wednesday, January 30, 2008 11:59:26 AM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com HELL YEAH I'M THE SEXUAL AGGRESSOR!!!!! haha

If only more MEN had healthy friendships these days. I know I value the few true friendships that exists beyond that of causal conversation and similarities - especially as I grow older and work takes more and more of my time and energy. I pray my kids can find similar friendships to lean on as they grow...

You are a great friend to my entire family, Andy! And if I do die, I will bequeath my wife and riches to you - deal? (I hope Andrea doesn't read this part......)


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Thursday, February 21, 2008 02:11:33 PM    Quote Selection | Permalink
Gravatar.com noicthib [URL=http://wtvprrfc.com]sdpzjmkj[/URL] nfaeyyfy http://xkpcyapf.com ljdhlsht djlohrwa


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Description
Andy's blog aims to be like a Scrubs episode, mixed with a Chuck Klosterman column, centered around the topic of faith. It is open, honest, raw, and a little embarrassing. It is a place to discuss religion, politics, ministry, pop culture, and well, just life - especially focused on the time of life we call our 20s!

Andy is the Executive Producer of The Allen Hunt Show; a progressive (in the literal sense), talk radio show based in Atlanta, GA aimed at bringing faith back into the public discussion. Andy enjoys travel, aviation, web design, politics, friends, and faith. He holds that the secret to a full life is loving God and loving people - which he fails at constantly.

Andy grew up in Fort Wayne, IN. He now lives in Alpharetta, GA.

More information about Andy can be found at www.2timothy42.org or Andy's Facebook.

P.S. As has been mentioned on air, Andy is horrible at grammar and spelling. Please excuse any mistakes, trust me, he's sorry.


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