Allen's Blog
Andy's BlogIt got me thinking though. It got me thinking about the movie trailer I saw in 2004 for Crash. I loved that movie. It was a movie about LA and racism. It was unique and brilliant. But it is a line from the trailer, which had relatively little to do with race, that had me hooked. The line was, "In LA, nobody touches you...I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just that we can feel something." I lived in LA. I know this to be true. But it isn't just LA - it's everywhere.
In September I downloaded a song called Car Crash by Matt Nathanson out of the iTunes free single of the week section. I don't normally do this because the music usually sucks, but this one sparked my interest for some reason. It's lyrics are thoughtful. The chorus in particular:
I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright
I think it is fitting given the recent Duke University study that says we have fewer friends and confidants than Americans did 20-30 years ago. We are wealthier than we have ever been. We are more in control of our lives than we have ever been. We know more than we have ever known. We are more connected then we have ever been. Yet we are lonely. We miss that touch. Why? Why are we lonely?
I am a huge Scrubs fan. I have 134 of the 145 episodes on my DVR. I am not going to go into why I love the show so much. I am just going to show you one scene (it's worth the 2 minutes):
When I first saw this in January, I sent the link to my friend CJ and told him:
I wish you watched Scrubs so you would get this and not think it is weird/gay/ridiculous, but since [my girlfriend at the time] calls you my gay lover and [your wife] calls our friendship "special," I dedicate this video to you
Let's be honest. I would be JD because I am nerdy, quirky, and can't seem to stabilize a relationship. And CJ would be Turk because he's as cool and smooth as a black guy, and married with a kid.
My & CJ's friendship reminds me of David and Jonathan's in the Bible. I would probably be David because I am the one most likely to do something immoral sexually and then murder someone to cover it up. But the Bible says that at the news of Jonathan's death David said, "Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."
Jonathan died before David had an affair with Bathsheba and then murdered Uriah to cover it up, only to be outed by Nathan. But I have a feeling that if Jonathan was alive, it wouldn't have changed anything. CJ knows I am not perfect. And not just in a generic, "we all sinners" kind of way. He knows I am not perfect. And inversely, I know he isn't perfect. But it doesn't change anything. If anything, it is why I love him more.
David and Jonathan weren't living in a "Crash" world. And as wealthy, and knowledgeable, and connected, and in-control my life gets, it is the guy love and connectedness I find with CJ (and others) that makes this life satisfying and full.
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But maybe this is because I haven't grown up in an extremely racist L.A. (is it really that bad?)...
I loved the movie too! I actually called it "beautiful" as the credits were rolling - however, to your credit, I watched it with my Australian friend and he hated it too! LA is lonely and sad and often full of hate, but it is also wonderful and passionate and moving. If you want to like the movie - move out here and have a look for yourself! :)
But LA is quite a racist place. But not because they are "segregated" or something more "traditionally racist." But because race is SUCH an issue. Instead of making progress in this world at becoming one nation, LA seems to be a constant reminder that we aren't one nation and if it has it's way, we will never be one nation.
LA is the only place I have ever been that I literally felt like s*@# just for being white. And what is worse, it is a place that makes black feel like s*@# for being black, and Hispancis s*@# for being Hispanic and Asians s*@# for being Asians. It is a complete Sepearate Benches mentality.
I would take living in the South, with the random, red neck racism you run into from time to time, vs. living in the constant state of racism of Los Angeles any day.
But to also further elaborate, LA is a cold place. LA is like that smart, popular cheerleader in high school that on the surface everything is beautiful and nice and warm and educated and together, but below the surface she is just bitter and cold and judgmental and arrogant.
I am glad I have Dr. Sarah's approval ;)
Anyway, interesting comments by the Duke study. The idea that we are more connected and less deep is interesting. In the church I think we are seeing a deeper need for real authentic community because it is found very few places. Technology, like facebook, keeps connected to more people but it isn't very deep. I need to read some about the study, however, I would be interested to see how they define confidants and comparing the depth of those relationships across time. I personally have fewer true friends, but my relationships have more depth to them now then they did even 10 years ago.
If only more MEN had healthy friendships these days. I know I value the few true friendships that exists beyond that of causal conversation and similarities - especially as I grow older and work takes more and more of my time and energy. I pray my kids can find similar friendships to lean on as they grow...
You are a great friend to my entire family, Andy! And if I do die, I will bequeath my wife and riches to you - deal? (I hope Andrea doesn't read this part......)