Andy's Blog

Drum roll please...duh duh duh...we have finally come to the end of the series on pornography. But I have forgotten two very important elements: what does God have to say about all this and what can I do to help myself with this struggle.

I feel like I have tried to answer the question, why is pornography wrong, from a secular perspective up until this point. But ultimately, I have to get to the reason why it is wrong: because I believe using pornography involves lust and I think God has made it clear even lustful thoughts are wrong.

Now, here's the difficulty, how do you define lust? Either the people listening to Jesus thought it was so obvious what lust was, or they were too afraid to ask, because in the Bible it appears that they bought what he had to say about it. But most of us, in the 21st century, start wondering how do you really define lust. So I am going to try.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-29

You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

The key here in my mind is that lust is defined as thinking or acting sexually with another woman that is not your wife (and inverse for all the ladies). Now what Jesus did not say was that sexual thoughts were wrong - and that's important. But it my mind it is the act of taking those sexual thoughts and applying them to a person that is not a spouse.

It might seem subtle, but I think the distinction is important. After reading Steve Gerali's The Struggle I have really struggled (ha!) with his basic premise that masturbation might not be wrong. Now I am good friends with Steve and we have had many conversations about this together. He supports himself in saying that masturbation does not have to include lust, because it does not have to include lustful thoughts about someone.

Now I don't have time to blog about masturbation (maybe for another day), but I think the thought is an interesting one. If I can think about sex, but not about anyone in particular, is it still lust. I have to say, after years of thought: no.

Now back to porn. Porn always involves someone. Now, you might say, yeah but they are just random people on the internet. Here's the point: they still are people. They are still someone's sister, or daughter, or friend. They still have a soul, a life, a destiny. And for whatever reason the model has decided to pose (or act), there is a spiritual connection between the person in pornography and the person using pornography.

One quick story that I think will help illustrate this point before I move on to my tips (and I am sorry if this is too graphic for you). When I was 13 or so and exploring my sexuality, I didn't have a lot of porn to use and one thing that I remember being very "attracted" to was Amanda Beard in the Summer Olympics - ahh those tight bathing suits. So needless to say, I explored my "sexuality" while fantasizing about her. Figuring, like most do with porn, that this person isn't a "real" person in my life and she's just on the tv. Now, fast forward about 8 years and sure enough, I am in a position to meet (and spend some short amount of time) with Amanda. Now, I of course did not divulge what I shared in this blog with her, we talked about her new Olympic victories in Sydney. But it did drive home the point that day, and I remember thinking this, that wow, Amanda is a real person. And so too are the porn models - and that is an important thing to remember.

Alright, now for the tips on how to deal with a porn struggle:

1. Be open and honest with people about this struggle. Sure you don't have to post it on your website ;-) - but don't let this struggle consume you in private. Find some friends to talk about it with. Trust me, there are a lot of us out there dealing with this, and if you run into someone who doesn't want to help, or "thinks its gross", etc...say that's cool and find someone else. I have had great, open, honest, and raw accountability in my life from the time I was 17 and let me tell you it is necessary.
2. As Jesus said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off, and if your eye causes you to sin gouge it out. Now I am not saying you should take this literally (or else a lot of us would be blind and with out hands). But what I do think is important is take any measure you need to, to help overcome this.
3. This brings me to my next point. Don't have internet at home. WHAT?!?! I know, this is coming from a guy who is a web programmer and makes a living off of what he does on the web. But I am telling you, if this is a problem (and especially if you are single) just don't have internet at home. I didn't have internet in my home here in GA for the first 12 months. It is doable
4. I have never used it, but many have told me how much a program like Covenant Eyes www.covenanteyes.com has helped. Now it kind of goes a lot with point number 1, because you have to be willing to be accountable, but if you are willing to be accountable, it might be of great help.
5. Check out other resources at http://www.xxxchurch.com

Well, the series is finally over. And as I type this, I am now late for lunch with a porn producer, Atlanta's largest - Mike South (how's that for a way to end the series). I'll blog about that experience sometime later. Sorry it took me so long, but hopefully you find it helpful.