On Sunday, I shared the Wife's Bill of Rights, a list originally penned by Jill Adler. However, it has some gaffes and gaps. So my wife and I, and some of Sunday's callers are making some changes below.
Thus, here are the 10 amendments in the Wife's Bill of Rights (New and Improved):
Jill Adler with Help from the Allen Hunt Show team and listeners
Preamble:
We, the wives of America, love being married to the husbands of America. We know we have our faults, but with our ever-morphing roles these days, there's a lot of pressure on us to be superhuman. We care for our families, manage the home, keep ourselves attractive, and even bring home our shares of the bacon. We know we sometimes lash out, but we really do want to "live happily ever after" with you. Our mutual acknowledgement of these amendments can go a long way toward achieving that.
Amendment I
We have the right to dislike your buddies.
We know it's important for you to have your guy friends, but you should know by now that we're not turned on by your stories of the good old days at college, your sexual exploits, or which relief pitcher the Red Sox should trade. Disappear for a while and be boys—it's OK, go chug beer and high-five—but please don't expect us to be happy when your friends come over and put their feet on our coffee tables or leave their beer cans on the floor.
Amendment II
We have the right to experience PMS in all its glory.
Either give us our space or accept the consequences. We know it's unfair, but some of us just can't rein it in. You knew that before you married us. We may shout, cry, belittle, act irrationally. It lasts a few days each month, so please deal with it. Or even better: Bring home dinner, clear the dishes, and give us a big hug. Best of all, just give us chocolate and leave us alone.
Amendment III
We have the right to demand you finish a household job.
We're not your mothers, and we loathe having to act like them. If you wash the dishes, do them all and clean the sink, too. Don't just bag the trash, take it outside to the bin. If you start a load of laundry, put it in the dryer and fold it too. We don't like nagging any more than you like hearing it. You do have the right to have a friend sub for you as handy man. Just get it fixed!
Amendment IV
We have the right to affirming words. "Please." "Thank you." "I love you." "I appreciate you." You get the picture. We love you and need to HEAR that you care about us.
Amendment V
We have the right to keep our secrets.
Not marriage-ending ones, just small secrets we choose to hide from others. If we don't want to speak our age or share our true hair color or reveal the cheesy TV shows we watch in private, it's not your place to reveal them to our friends, your business partners, or your ex-girlfriends/wives. We're not asking you to lie for us, but we would appreciate your discretion.
Amendment VI
We have the right to a partner in raising children. Parenting is not an individual sport. You play a role here too, a role beyond conception. Playing with the kids, teaching them to read, coaching their teams. You are needed and we need some help.
Amendment VII
We have the right to keep and bear tons of girly bathroom products.
You have your tools; so do we. These items are expensive and to be used sparingly. It brings no joy to see our $15 bath bar shrunk down to the size of a quarter after two passes on your chest and legs.
Amendment VIII
We have the right to speak to our girlfriends every day.
About whatever we want, whenever we want. Please don't eavesdrop or criticize. We know you're not that interested in gossip or psycho-analytical interpretations of why some people do what they do, so we turn to our like-minded female friends for instant gratification. Yes, we do talk about you—a lot. It helps us work through issues. This keeps us happy, sane and, usually, off your case.
Amendment IX
We have the right to some time alone. We work hard too, whether we are stay at home moms or working moms. Laundry never ends, kids are always with us. Find creative ways to give us 15 or 30 minutes every now and then to sit with a cup of tea or to take an uninterrupted bubble bath. We are not asking for much - just a little time to ourselves now and then.
Amendment X
We have the right to foreplay.
A fine bottle of wine, soft music, deep looks into each other's eyes, compliments, holding hands, cuddling—these are all forms of foreplay, and we insist on them. Please don't reach for our crotch or breasts and expect us to melt into a porn kitten. It didn't work when we met, it most certainly doesn't work now. Sure, we women are strong and independent, and appreciate an inspired quickie when the moment strikes, but we also have an inner soft spot the size of Texas that needs squeezing and cherishing. We appreciate you more when you think about how it feels to us rather than how it feels to you. And, as a very frustrated Frances in Oklahoma said, "remember, sex is a two way street."


Typical.
Your role as mother and wife is your identity. So don't forget, 'k sweetheart. Now run along and let the men talk.
Hilarious! A bit of a Family Guy...no?
Addendum:
...and until then I will continue to spend my daddy's money learning how to engage in fashionable posturing.
loving her husband as she should. Love him, give him a pat on the back, tell him how wonderful he is, you would marry him all over again. You would not have to think about rights. He will give you the world and what a relationship.
Sometimes naivete is its own reward.